


Romantic Banter for Dorian and Inquisitor

by ayheycheerio



Series: Inquisitor Reginald Trevelyan [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Banter, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-17 22:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16983156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayheycheerio/pseuds/ayheycheerio
Summary: Ever feel like there isn't enough in-game romantic banter for Dorian and the Inquisitor? Ever wonder what Iron Bull would say about the happy couple? Well, my friend, you aren't alone.In this exercise to attune myself to these complex characters (for a huge fanfic project), I explore the slices of life of the Inner Circle by writing some neat little scripts! To be clear, this is in script form, so I encourage you to read them aloud, in their respective voices. It's more fun this way, trust me. No, I won't judge, I promise.Comment, let me know how accurately I've placed the characters. But more importantly, I hope you can squeeze as much enjoyment from reading these little segments as I did writing them.**Will be updated regularly as more banter is written.





	1. The Banter Begins

 

 **1.  [POST-GAME, Upon the party coming across a phallic rock formation]** **  
**

Dorian: Amatus, a moment?

Inquisitor: Yes, Dorian? 

Dorian: Humor me, what do you see when you look at that rock formation over there?

Inquisitor: Well...I see a.......you know.

Dorian: Ha! Just as I predicted he would. You owe me five crowns, Varric.

Varric: Fine, fine, I admit it. You two are like peas in a pod.

Sera: You both _would_ be thinking about that junk. [Snickers] See what I did there? _Junk_... [Giggles]

Blackwall: Perhaps we should be focused on the task at hand, not the scenery.

 

**2.  [After killing Venatori]**

Inquisitor: We’ve killed so many Venatori, but there always seem to be more.

Dorian: Like all proper vermin, they proliferate faster than they can be culled. Tenacious little bastards. 

Inquisitor: I almost feel bad for them.

Dorian: Oh? Like pitying a rabid animal in its final death throes?

Inquisitor: Not quite. Misguided as they may be, they still willingly died for what they believe in.

Dorian: Yes, but their choice to _be_ misguided in the first place should not be overlooked.

Inquisitor: I suppose so. I’m just glad you weren’t so easily led astray. 

Dorian: [Laughs] I may be cute and cuddly, but I’m no naive puppy. Only an imbecile would eagerly endorse a future that requires destroying the present.

Inquisitor: You’re right. You _are_ cute and cuddly. [Chuckles]

Cassandra: [Disgusted noise.]

Sera: Alright, get a room you two!  
  
 

**3.  [POST-GAME, Walking around Thedas]**

Dorian: Did you ever get a reply from your cousin, amatus?

Inquisitor: About the Wintersend banquet?

Dorian: Yes. I need to know if I should pester Josephine for an increase to my wardrobe budget.

Inquisitor: Did you reach your limit already? We’re barely halfway through the month. 

Dorian: Am I truly to blame? There is no limit to fashion, why should there be one for my allowance?

Vivienne: Perhaps you should make better informed choices, my dear. Quality over quantity, darling.

Dorian: Oh? Is that why you’re on your tenth new outfit this month?

Varric: I’ll never understand your obsession with fashion, Sparkler. It’s all just gift wrap at the end of the day, anyway. 

Dorian: True, but surely even you can appreciate a spruced gift over a plain one.

Cole: Why would you give _that_ as a gift?

Blackwall: [Snickers.]

 

**4.  [Walking around Thedas]**

Iron Bull: So, Dorian, I heard a rumor about you and the Inquisitor at the bar a few days ago.

Dorian: [Sighs] No rest for the wicked, apparently.

Iron Bull: Just want to say I’m happy for you guys. The Boss works too hard, and you’re too uptight all the time. It’s nice to know you both are letting loose somehow.

Dorian: ...Thank you, Bull. That’s...thoughtful of you. 

Inquisitor: You’re right, Bull. Dorian _is_ uptight all the time.

Dorian: I do believe I misheard you, amatus.

Iron Bull: [Guffaws]

Dorian: We’re going to have a talk about this later.

Iron Bull: A nice _long_ talk, to loosen that stiff upper lip.

Inquisitor: [Laughs]

Cassandra: [Disgusted noise.]

Sera: What's so funny? Oh, is it because he's got a mustache? [Laughs]

 

 **5.  [Walking around Thedas, later in the game]**  

Iron Bull: Hey, Boss, how’re things with you and the ‘Vint?

Dorian: The _‘Vint_ is standing within earshot, just so you know.

Inquisitor: It’s going well. Why do you ask?

Iron Bull: I might have accidentally overheard some... _activity_ from your quarters the other day.

Dorian: ...W-why, pray tell, were you lurking about the Inquisitor’s door? Never thought to count voyeurism amongst your quirks, Bull.

Iron Bull: Hey! I said it was an accident. I went to pass on a message for Cullen, but I left right away when I heard the Boss was... _occupied._

Dorian: _Vishante kaffas._

Inquisitor: [Clears throat] I assume you brought this up for a reason, Bull?

Iron Bull: Well, I just wanted to say that if you ever need some advice, I’m here for you, Boss.

Inquisitor: Thank you...but I think we’re doing just fine.

Iron Bull: Alright. The offer still stands, if you ever change your mind.

Dorian: [Groans]

 

**6.  [POST-GAME, Walking around Thedas]**

Cole: You want to hold his hand, but you don’t want to ask. Why is that, Dorian?

Dorian: [Sighs] Dipping into my mind again, Cole? It’s barely past noon.

Cole: The hands that grip, hold, and caress you in the dark, but are out of reach under the sun.

Dorian: ...Some things are better off left in the dark.

Cole: You’re afraid, of what others might think.

Dorian: For good reason, Cole. To many, I am still just a thorn in the Inquisition’s side, despite my obvious merits.

Cole: He would let you.

Dorian: I know.

 

**7.  [Walking around Thedas, later into the game]**

Cassandra: Dorian, do you have a moment?

Dorian: For you, Cassandra? Always.

Cassandra: I admit I had doubts about your...arrangement with the Inquisitor. But I can see now that they were misplaced.

Dorian: Can't say I blame you. It was an unexpected turn of events for me, as well.

Cassandra: I only wish you both happiness. Life rarely rewards us with such opportunities. Treasure it, hold onto it for as long as you can, and leave no regrets.

Dorian: My, my. What sagacious advice. I know you didn’t get it from Varric’s novels.

Varric: Ouch. My novels are plenty profound. Well, maybe not all of them.

Inquisitor: Definitely not Swords and Shields.

Dorian: [Laughs] Oh no, most definitely not.

Cassandra: [Gasp] You read them, Inquisitor? B-but why? Even when I warned you not to...

Inquisitor: Mostly for research purposes.

Varric: Color me flattered, Inquisitor. Glad to be of service to Your Holiness.

Dorian: He’s joking...right? Please say you’re joking, amatus.

Inquisitor: I guess you’ll just have to read to find out. 

Varric: [Laughs]


	2. A Few More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eavesdrop on a couple more banters with the Inquisitor, his lover, and his Inner Circle!

**8.**   **[Walking around Val Royeaux, late into the game]**

Dorian: [Groans] I still can’t smell Antivan moonshine without wanting to vomit.

Cole: A tankard for Father, another for Alexius, a third for this cursed storm.

Inquisitor: Drank away your sorrows per usual, I see.

Dorian: The Waking Sea was a miserable place, amatus. Trapped for two weeks in the bay of the ship, lodged in with stacks of moldered crates. Reeked of wet carcass the entire time. One must keep sane somehow.

Inquisitor: [Chuckles] Dorian Pavus, the stowaway runaway.

Dorian: [Laughs] Quite the succinct synopsis of the past few years of my life. Ever consider a career as a bard once all this is over?

Inquisitor: [Laughs] Not at all. I was always told my talents lay elsewhere. Suppose you simply bring out the best in me.

Dorian: Sweet Maker. If I wanted this much sugar this early I'd have eaten raw honey for breakfast.

Inquisitor: That can certainly be arranged.

Cole: ...But honey isn’t used for _that_...

 

**9\. [Walking around Thedas]**

Sera: You’re not very sneaky, Dorian.

Dorian: Nor did I ever claim to be. For one as handsome as I, any attempt at stealth would be undoubtedly futile.

Sera: I _mean_ , bumping around Skyhold. With the Inquisitor.

Dorian: Allowing the masses to fill you up with their asinine gossip? You know better than that, dear Sera.

Sera: No, you’re the ass - a smartass. And you’re the one gettin’ filled up.

Dorian: I-...T-that’s not-

Sera: Just sayin’ people seen you, and him, in the War Room. After dark.

Inquisitor: Sera, it’s hardly out of place for me to seek the advice of my Inner Circle in the War Room.

Sera: _It is_ when it sounds like you’re polishin’ the war table. Like gettin’ _real_ deep in there. With your-

Inquisitor: [Clears throat] That’s enough. I understand your point.

Varric (if in party): That does solve the mystery of our Inquisitor’s outstanding work ethic as of late.

Blackwall (if in party): We should thank our Inquisitor for keeping the most pressing concerns _on the map_.

Vivienne (if in party): We should be grateful to have an Inquisitor who is so on _top_ of his duties.

Iron Bull (if in party): [Laughs] Way to get your hands dirty dealing with the ‘Vints, Boss.

Cassandra (if in party): _Nobody_ is allowed to tell Cullen. We cannot risk our commander setting fire to the war table.

 

**10\. [Walking around Thedas, sometime after defeat of Corypheus]**

Dorian: I caught you glaring at the Inquisitor and I in camp the other night, Blackwall.

Blackwall: You’re mistaken. Not everyone has their attention on you at all times.

Dorian: Do I detect jealousy, hm? A dearth of volunteers willing to share _your_ tent?

Blackwall: [Sighs] Unlike some of us, I don’t need anyone to latch onto to be happy.

Dorian: Fret not, my reprobate friend, I shall make it my mission to remedy that for you. At least you won’t be the worst I’ve attempted to salvage.

Inquisitor: I’m sure we can also leverage Josephine’s full support on this one.

Dorian: Oh, yes. With a current state so dismal, I need all the help I can get.

Vivienne: I _have_ seen worse at Val Royeaux’s Summerday festivals, my dear. Hoards of destitute poor crowd the streets for a spare coin from the parading nobles. The stench of it all is reprehensible.

Sera: _Riiiight_ , because all poor people should be smellin’ like daisies or somethin’ pretty.

Blackwall: ...Mi’lady does like daisies.

Dorian: Say no more - we'll begin as soon as we return to Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I decided to have a bit of fun with these. Made a few pop culture references here and there... I must look like the cat who swallowed a pigeon. 
> 
> About #9: note that Sera does not know the word "asinine", so all she hears is "ass-an-nine". Hope that clears up her rebuttal a bit. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and don't hesitate to knock me back into shape if I start to drift on any of these character placements.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Thanks for reading!
> 
> The Inquisitor here is "my" Inquisitor, but most of these themes are applicable to everyone, I think. My sincere hope is that I am at least within ballpark of the personas I try to capture. Or at least within viewing distance of the field, anyway. 
> 
> Questions? Comments? I will read them all, pinky promise.


End file.
